Seven 'Scary Brother' Tactics You Need to Look Out For
By Alicia Cruz
Theblackurbantimes
All of us have dated a man whose "representative" (i.e. his alter ego) gave such an Emmy Award winning presentation at the beginning of your relationship that you fell for him hook, line and sinker. Despite those nagging jabs your gut kept giving you about him, you decided to give him a chance and forged ahead with a relationship. Sure, he was a little weird, maybe too quiet, and he wasn't exactly your type, but he seemed harmless enough and besides, he acted like he really liked you and he was "so nice."
Recently, though, he's gone from weird and annoying to downright creepy and he's beginning to display some unstable traits that leave you scratching your head, wanting to hire a bodyguard or pay for his mental health evaluation.
There are some things you can work out and pray over, but if he's a man displaying the seven traits I describe below, there's only one thing you can do:
Run or get in your car and just drive until you run out of gas!
Here are seven "scary brother" traits that should have you running for the hills if he begins displaying them:
He's "crazy making"...
You know this tactic: You two have an argument and you think that's the end of it. Especially since you thought you two ironed out your differences and have moved on with your relationship. But as you start bumping into people you know, they're giving you the "She's crazy" look. You're puzzled. Finally, someone tells you that he's going around giving people a completely different version: a souped up one (and that's putting it nicely) or one absent of important details (his lies, abuse, infidelity, etc). One time can be classified as "harmless exaggeration," but more than that and you've got a brother who is trying to make you look crazy in order to throw the stench of crazy, liar or manipulator off of him.
It's time for this brother to go. No doubt. Anyone who will outright lie or worse, set you up, is a dangerous as they come. You better run before he has you fingered for being the second shooter in the Kennedy assassination or something else crazy. Trust me, a brother who will utilize such underhanded, dishonest tactics to hurt you is more than scary and crazy. He's just pure evil and trifling. You don't know what else he's capable of doing.
He's stalked you in any way...
Especially if you haven't even slept together or you're not even officially dating! This is a huge red flag and you better heed it or else. He's giving you a free preview of his emotional instability and imagine what he'll do after you sleep together or you're officially dating. Scary thought. Distance yourself from him after you confront him about the stalking (do it in a public place, please). If you can, change your number and make others aware of his behavior so they can look out for you. Notify your employer too. He might be stalking you and hiding out in the parking lot at your job. I had a man do this and it was scary.
He's telling people you're dating...and you're not...
You stop by your usual hangout spot for a night cap or worse, people you know or barely know are approaching you and congratulating you on your "new relationship with Mr. X."
Your response is, "Who?" Sure, you two have hung out a few times, had a few laughs, exchanged telephone calls, but dating? Absolutely not.
Handle your business: Do not feed into his hallucinations. You don't have to tell everybody he's crazy, but you should be sure you make it clear that the two of you are not and have not dated. Period. Then, have a heart-to-heart with Mr. X and let him know that it's not cool to place you in such an awkward situation and make it clear to him that you two are not dating.
Do not send him mixed signals either (going out on dates --he's paying--, inviting him over for a movie and drinks, accepting or making calls to him after 9 p.m., having sex with him, accepting money or gifts from him). And last but not least, once you make it clear you're not dating him, give him the heave-ho and keep it moving.
He seems to know things about that you haven't told him of...
He speaks about events that have occurred in your life and you know you never told him about them. Sure, some things may be a coincidence, but depending on what it is and how often its occurred, it's likely not a coincidence but him playing private eye and questioning friends or acquaintances about your past. This is another red flag, ladies. No, it's not that he's just so in love with you that he's trying to learn all he can. He may have some control issues and he's definitely sneaky and manipulative. An action like that should speak volumes to you about who he really is.
Lace up your Nikes and run.
He shows up at places you happen to be "coincidentally"...
You're at O'Charley's -- a place you don't normally go and as far as you know, neither does he, but you look up at there he is. You never stop by the library but happen to go by there one afternoon for research and out of no where, he pops up.
You stop by your favorite hangout at an unexpected hour...and again, he just happens to stop by too. When you question these "coincidences" his response is always, "I come by here every once in awhile. I didn't even know you were here." Coincidence?
I doubt it.
You're more likely to spot two Leprechauns in Harlem as a coincidence than you are to connect his "chance" show-ups as coincidental. Check your car, purse and other bags -- this brother just might be have a GPS or tracker in one of them.
Watch your street and be aware of your surroundings. I bet you're likely to catch him lurking a time or three. Then you'll know for sure he's stalking you.
Let him know that these "coincidences"are giving you the Willy's and see if they decrease or continue. If they continue, file a police report and get as far away from Mr. Coincidence as you can...and fast.
He threatens to hurt/kill himself or you
Maybe he knows things are on the rocks and your recent distance is making him anxious. He goes dramatic and insane. In the midst of an argument or the "it's over" talk he says something, like, "If you trying to break it off, I'll kill myself" or "If I can't have you, nobody will."
Let's say you two have a child together and you're trying to leave him and he's says something, like, "OJ Simpson is a murderer but he has custody of his kids...now you think about that when you trying to leave me."
You better heed his words as serious as you would someone yelling, "Fire! Fire! Get out of the building!"
File a restraining order and move, buy a gun and keep yourself surrounded with family and friends. Any man that threatens to kill you or himself should be taken very serious. I cant stress this enough. All the other behaviors should have raised enough red flags to make you run like a freed slave, but this type of behavior is beyond weird its downright scary and out of control. There's no if, ands, buts or maybes about it: You have to leave him, now.
He won't let you break up with him
Simply put: He knows you're done with him but he's just refusing to take the hints. He's still coming around, showing up at your house, job, hangouts and still calling. He's not even upset, he's just insistent that this relationship is going to continue even if he has to carry it by himself.
It's time to pull a Houdini on him: disappear like person in the Federal Witness Protection program. No calls, no emails and no texts. No contact or interaction, period. Tell your friends, family and anyone else he might use to contact you what's going on. Any iota of attention or correspondence only fuels his delusion and then it's your fault for feeding his insanity.
2009 Theblackurbantimes ©
Theblackurbantimes
All of us have dated a man whose "representative" (i.e. his alter ego) gave such an Emmy Award winning presentation at the beginning of your relationship that you fell for him hook, line and sinker. Despite those nagging jabs your gut kept giving you about him, you decided to give him a chance and forged ahead with a relationship. Sure, he was a little weird, maybe too quiet, and he wasn't exactly your type, but he seemed harmless enough and besides, he acted like he really liked you and he was "so nice."
Recently, though, he's gone from weird and annoying to downright creepy and he's beginning to display some unstable traits that leave you scratching your head, wanting to hire a bodyguard or pay for his mental health evaluation.
There are some things you can work out and pray over, but if he's a man displaying the seven traits I describe below, there's only one thing you can do:
Run or get in your car and just drive until you run out of gas!
Here are seven "scary brother" traits that should have you running for the hills if he begins displaying them:
He's "crazy making"...
You know this tactic: You two have an argument and you think that's the end of it. Especially since you thought you two ironed out your differences and have moved on with your relationship. But as you start bumping into people you know, they're giving you the "She's crazy" look. You're puzzled. Finally, someone tells you that he's going around giving people a completely different version: a souped up one (and that's putting it nicely) or one absent of important details (his lies, abuse, infidelity, etc). One time can be classified as "harmless exaggeration," but more than that and you've got a brother who is trying to make you look crazy in order to throw the stench of crazy, liar or manipulator off of him.
It's time for this brother to go. No doubt. Anyone who will outright lie or worse, set you up, is a dangerous as they come. You better run before he has you fingered for being the second shooter in the Kennedy assassination or something else crazy. Trust me, a brother who will utilize such underhanded, dishonest tactics to hurt you is more than scary and crazy. He's just pure evil and trifling. You don't know what else he's capable of doing.
He's stalked you in any way...
Especially if you haven't even slept together or you're not even officially dating! This is a huge red flag and you better heed it or else. He's giving you a free preview of his emotional instability and imagine what he'll do after you sleep together or you're officially dating. Scary thought. Distance yourself from him after you confront him about the stalking (do it in a public place, please). If you can, change your number and make others aware of his behavior so they can look out for you. Notify your employer too. He might be stalking you and hiding out in the parking lot at your job. I had a man do this and it was scary.
He's telling people you're dating...and you're not...
You stop by your usual hangout spot for a night cap or worse, people you know or barely know are approaching you and congratulating you on your "new relationship with Mr. X."
Your response is, "Who?" Sure, you two have hung out a few times, had a few laughs, exchanged telephone calls, but dating? Absolutely not.
Handle your business: Do not feed into his hallucinations. You don't have to tell everybody he's crazy, but you should be sure you make it clear that the two of you are not and have not dated. Period. Then, have a heart-to-heart with Mr. X and let him know that it's not cool to place you in such an awkward situation and make it clear to him that you two are not dating.
Do not send him mixed signals either (going out on dates --he's paying--, inviting him over for a movie and drinks, accepting or making calls to him after 9 p.m., having sex with him, accepting money or gifts from him). And last but not least, once you make it clear you're not dating him, give him the heave-ho and keep it moving.
He seems to know things about that you haven't told him of...
He speaks about events that have occurred in your life and you know you never told him about them. Sure, some things may be a coincidence, but depending on what it is and how often its occurred, it's likely not a coincidence but him playing private eye and questioning friends or acquaintances about your past. This is another red flag, ladies. No, it's not that he's just so in love with you that he's trying to learn all he can. He may have some control issues and he's definitely sneaky and manipulative. An action like that should speak volumes to you about who he really is.
Lace up your Nikes and run.
He shows up at places you happen to be "coincidentally"...
You're at O'Charley's -- a place you don't normally go and as far as you know, neither does he, but you look up at there he is. You never stop by the library but happen to go by there one afternoon for research and out of no where, he pops up.
You stop by your favorite hangout at an unexpected hour...and again, he just happens to stop by too. When you question these "coincidences" his response is always, "I come by here every once in awhile. I didn't even know you were here." Coincidence?
I doubt it.
You're more likely to spot two Leprechauns in Harlem as a coincidence than you are to connect his "chance" show-ups as coincidental. Check your car, purse and other bags -- this brother just might be have a GPS or tracker in one of them.
Watch your street and be aware of your surroundings. I bet you're likely to catch him lurking a time or three. Then you'll know for sure he's stalking you.
Let him know that these "coincidences"are giving you the Willy's and see if they decrease or continue. If they continue, file a police report and get as far away from Mr. Coincidence as you can...and fast.
He threatens to hurt/kill himself or you
Maybe he knows things are on the rocks and your recent distance is making him anxious. He goes dramatic and insane. In the midst of an argument or the "it's over" talk he says something, like, "If you trying to break it off, I'll kill myself" or "If I can't have you, nobody will."
Let's say you two have a child together and you're trying to leave him and he's says something, like, "OJ Simpson is a murderer but he has custody of his kids...now you think about that when you trying to leave me."
You better heed his words as serious as you would someone yelling, "Fire! Fire! Get out of the building!"
File a restraining order and move, buy a gun and keep yourself surrounded with family and friends. Any man that threatens to kill you or himself should be taken very serious. I cant stress this enough. All the other behaviors should have raised enough red flags to make you run like a freed slave, but this type of behavior is beyond weird its downright scary and out of control. There's no if, ands, buts or maybes about it: You have to leave him, now.
He won't let you break up with him
Simply put: He knows you're done with him but he's just refusing to take the hints. He's still coming around, showing up at your house, job, hangouts and still calling. He's not even upset, he's just insistent that this relationship is going to continue even if he has to carry it by himself.
It's time to pull a Houdini on him: disappear like person in the Federal Witness Protection program. No calls, no emails and no texts. No contact or interaction, period. Tell your friends, family and anyone else he might use to contact you what's going on. Any iota of attention or correspondence only fuels his delusion and then it's your fault for feeding his insanity.
2009 Theblackurbantimes ©
Comments
Post a Comment